Over the years, I have experienced so much.
Recently, I experienced my first post- 30th birthday. I turned 31. The night before, I had a great dinner with 4 of my 7 siblings and my father, plus my little ones. The dinner was just what I need to help feel a little less of what I was feeling in the moment. It was like my equilibrium was off. I woke up kind of early feeling a bit anxious about the impending events. I have always been a bit of a late bloomer. I am a thinker, and so I stay in my head a lot. The good thing about this trait is that when I do decide to move on something, my actions are purposeful and precise and tend to yield success. The other side of this Virgo trait is that it may take me a while to actually decide to move, or take action on my goals as I wait for the “perfect moment”. I can literally have an idea and it takes me a year before acting upon it. Because of this, I have been considered a late bloomer, though highly responsible, pretty much all of my life. Personally, I like to listen to my heart and my body as they tell me when it is time to do something. Yeah, I maybe could have acted sooner, gotten a promotion faster, or whatever the case may be. But, it would not have been as authentic to myself. I’ve learned that what’s for me is for me and no one else can get it because it is meant for me. My birthday is a time of reflection and planning for me. To center myself, I did what only someone like me can do in moments of anxiousness. I lit my Nag Champa, burned a few pieces of sage, and then I took out a few pieces of paper and my favorite pencil and began to just let flow what was on my mind as I listened to some Tibetan healing sounds (aka yoga music). I realized that though a late bloomer, or even slow mover by some standards, I have made some courageous leaps in my life. And, I have learned some valuable lessons from by listening to my own intuition and by also observing the actions of those who did not. In this past year, I have moved 3 times. I’ve been everywhere that I have wanted to go. Currently, I am in Ontario with my little ones. I Here is what I have found:
1. Demand your worth. As women, we can sometimes get caught up in the ideals that other people have for us and we lose our own identity when trying to fit into those boxes. Know that who you are, as your natural self, is more than enough to give this world. You are beautiful, talented, and no one else on this planet can offer the gifts that you have in the way that you are capable of giving them. No one. Just you. So do not allow others to tread on you. Not mentally, financially, or physically. You are special and you should be treated as such. A part of this process is to recognize just how special you are and demand to be treated accordingly. You have to recognize your own worth in order to be able to require that others respect you as such. This could be from a job, from a parent, by a lover, or whatever the case may be. You are worth the effort.
2. Health is important. Do not take it for granted. You only have one body and one life to live and seldom do we get second chances for it. Your health is literally your wealth, for when your mind and body are in a healthy state of being, you can literally achieve anything. Honor your temple by feeding it with live foods full of nutrients and vitamins. Drink plenty of water daily. Of course, you will have cravings for other things, and that is okay. Moderation is key. Your health also depends on your mental state as well. Feed your mind the things that are helpful in regulating its functions.
3. It is okay to be the boss. I am a boss and I would not have it any other way. In this year, I have begun 3 online businesses. I am so happy with the progress of them, each one aimed at helping other women. For some reason, things get a little hairy when people find out that a woman is the one that is in charge. We are called names like “bossy”, “witch”, “man in a skirt”, and so many other derogatory names. Even by other women! Regardless of the inner issues that these people have that they try to reflect on you, stand in your purpose and make this money! Be a mom, be a sister, or be an auntie, and be a boss, all while changing the world.
4. Gossiping is not the business. I don’t do gossip. It is a waste of time and adds absolutely no money to your pocket (at least for most of us). If you’ve got a gossiping friend, you need to unfriend them now or put them on probation. Or at least, watch how you spend your time with them. Gossiping does no good for neither the person doing the gossiping, the listener, or even the person being talked about. It is idle time that you are wasting when you could be productive in achieving your goals. Talking about or putting someone else down will not make you look or feel better. It actually ages you as you walk around with pent up hostility towards another human being. Look at it like this, gossiping won’t pay your bills, get you closer to your goals, it won’t put food on your table, it cannot make love to you at night, it does not tuck your children into bed, and it does not make you happier. Why waste your time on it?
5.Karma is real. And, you do reap exactly what you sow. So, make sure that what you put out into the Universe is something that you would want to be returned to you, three fold. The Universe conspires to give you back what you give. If you give out good vibes and positive behavior, that is what you will get back. But, if you are negative, and gossip about people, the same will happen to you.
6. Ask for help when you need it. I know that I used to hate asking for help. I still fight with myself about it. Asking for help is not admitting defeat. It is actually being proactive to get to a certain goal. Don’t let your pride get in the way of getting the help that you need. Sure, if you can work it out yourself, go for it. I have found, that when reaching out and asking for assistance, not only am I able to get to my end game at a faster rate, but I am able to get there without expending as much energy or taking on a lot of stress. I am then able to fill my cup faster to reach back and pull up the next person. Get into it!
7. Have courage.It is not how fast you go, it is about getting there. Put one foot in front of the other and make the next best move. It doesn’t make how long you take, just as long as you get there. Bumps in the road come with success and moving forward in life. Don’t let them deter you or cause you to give up on your dreams. Expect those bumps and plan accordingly. No matter what, have the courage to face the next day.
8. Fear holds you back. Let it go. It only holds you back from getting to where you want to be in life and succeeding. Instead of allowing yourself to be crippled with fear, think of it this way: Fear means go! That means take a leap, jump, and push forward with your dreams and what it is that you want to do in life.
9. The beat goes on. So keep going. Life does not stop for you or because of you. Time does not pause, rewind, or fast forward for anyone. It only moves in real-time. No matter what happens, just keep going. Embrace that time will change and keep moving forward.
10. Independence and self-sufficiency are the way to go. Now I am not saying to go out there and declare that you don’t need anyone. It is okay to be able to depend on others and mutually give to one another. In fact, I believe we all need someone to be able to depend on. Never be afraid to ask for help when you actually need. But, be strong and be able to accomplish tasks on your own. The high that you get knowing that you have done something and that you did it yourself is indescribable. And it pushes you to continue to pursue new goals.
11. Stop trying to please people. Live your life for you, not in the likeness that others imagine for you. Happiness does not come from living your life on someone else’s terms, but from those, you create for yourself.
12. Say no. It’s okay to do so. You are not obligated to be everything for everyone, especially at the expense of your own health. Set clear boundaries for yourself and stick to them. Boundaries allow you to keep your own cup full so that you can continue the work that you do, but also to be able to continue to help others. Don’t allow yourself to become overwhelmed. Only take on what it is you feel confident in doing. There is no manual on what helping others means.
13. Stop comparing yourself to others. This is so very detrimental to your success. Each and every one of us goes through life at our own pace, with out own unique path to get to each milestone that life has to offer us. Your story is different from someone else’s, just as your success and even pain is different from that of others. The way that another woman conducts herself may not be the way that you need to do so and vice versa. Embrace your uniqueness and allow it to propel you into greatness.
14. Sisterhood is a must. Having meaningful relationships with other women can help you in so many ways. I, for one, cannot exact the number of times that have a sisterhood with someone or a couple of women has helped to make me a better person. There have been times that I could have acted out in maliciousness, and my sisters have helped me to humble myself. There have been times when I just did not know what to do at all, and I have had my sisters to uplift me. Having like women around me is just amazing. We spent time together, our children play together, we bounce ideas off of each other, travel together, eat together, and so much more. The experience of life is enriched so much when there are supportive women around.
15. Men will always be there. Or women for that matter (depends on who you prefer). True, having that special connection with a man, if you even want one, is fulfilling to the soul, but it is not the only way to feel fulfilled. Physical intimacy is a rush and is addictive, but do not allow it to put a veil over your eyes. Do not give up on your dreams in pursuit of a relationship. You may not have the opportunity more than once. Concentrate on making yourself a better person and that your happiness is genuine. When the right one comes along, the relationship will be so much better because you are bringing your whole self to the table. When your cup overflows with self love and happiness, you will have more of it to share with someone else.
16. Embrace your mistakes. There is a saying that it is better to learn from the mistakes of others than from your own. This is true, to an extent. But, human nature causes most of us to make our own. Don’t be embarrassed. Learn from them. Your mistakes have helped to shape who you are by teaching you valuable lessons about what works and what does not. No other action prepares you better for success than your failures.
17. Mental illnesses are real. Anxiety, Depression, Bipolar feelings, all of these are real. And, so many women suffer from these and do so alone. It is very sad. Society can sometimes make a woman feel guilty about needing to take some time and step away. Do not allow others to put their phobias on you while you suffer in silence. Take care of yourself. You are important too. I was super blessed to be able to take some time away from work and focusing on feeling better. I was a little embarrassed about being diagnosed with anxiety, And, I was also blessed to have people around me that understood.
18. Avoid stress. If you know that a situation will cause you stress, you can avoid it. If the situation is not avoidable or something that is needed, you can prepare yourself for it. Get into the habit of practicing relaxing and anti-stress techniques. You could go for walks, go swimming, do yoga, journal, or use your hands to create things. The possibilities are endless.
19. Drive. Okay, so I am a little late with this. I literally have been driving less than a year. Ha! But, it has taught me so much about independence. And more than that, driving is a wonderful way to explore, no matter where you are in the world. Although the roads are rough, one of my favorites places to drive is Puerto Rico. You can drive the entire island in 24 hours if you wanted. But the scenery along the way is some of the most beautiful things that have been created by God that you can ever see. And it is so relaxing. I had found my mind a few times doing this.
20. Do Travel. One of the fastest ways to change your life and find out who you really are is to travel. Traveling pushes you outside of your comfort zone and forces you to see new possibilities in how things in everyday life can be accomplished. Traveling is something that you just cannot afford to do. Seeing the world through your own lens, or even those different from what you are accustomed to is amazing.
21. Love Yourself. You are worth it and you deserve it. Kiss yourself. Hug yourself. Touch yourself. Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself. Invest in yourself. Feed yourself good foods. Secure educational experiences for yourself. Build financial security for yourself. These are so many ways to love on yourself. Do whatever works for you. When you love on yourself, you allow your light to shine.
22. Practice Self-Care. It is so easy for us as women to neglect ourselves as we are so busy taking care of others. Wether it is time to get in a walk, go see a movie alone, get your hair or nails done, do it. We need those mental and physical breaks from the hustle and bustle of busy everyday life. No lie, one of my favorite self-care practices is to have a nice hot bath with bath salts and roses and then get a good eight hours of sleep. On average, I sleep about 4 to 5 hours a day. When I have the opportunity to get eight hours, I jump on it and it feels so good. I work, I go to school, I take care of my children (their father, the ex-husband, does not participate), I homeschool them, take them to their activities, and more. Eights hours is like a trip to the spa for me. If I am able to get a massage or to a salon, I am even happier.
23. Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. Why would you want to be like anyone else anyway? You may have heard this before. I am saying it here because it is indeed true. Everything that I have seen, experienced, and learned makes me who I am and contributes to the unique gifts that I have to offer the world. Since embracing myself, in the light, I have been so much happier. I also find that I am able to accomplish so many more goals because I do not have the excess baggage or fucks to give. Happiness is a state of being
24. Save for the unexpected. Being broke just is not fun at all. My dad rang this into my ear over and over so many times that I thought that I would go crazy. But, it is the truth. Saving for the unexpected is just smart business. As an adult, I cannot tell you how many times something just came out of nowhere and then I needed to dip into the bank, especially when it comes to something with my kids. Having a little cushion (or even a big one) helps with it all. I have learned that living paycheck to paycheck is just not for me. I spend several hours each week working towards generating extra and passive income that can be saved.
25. Live life on your terms. I have seen fellow friends jump on money making opportunities for the pure sake making money. Sure, money is great. But, the illusion of what it can bring to you can make you jump on opportunities that are not worthwhile to your being and spirit. A quick dollar is not worth the sacrifice of your spirit. At the same time, staying in a situation that does not give you back what you put in, also is not worth that sacrifice. Through time, I have been blessed with the ability to attract what I have wanted and needed in life. Sure, I have taken the low paying job with super long hours because I had no other option at the time and I had mouths to feed.
26. Give back. This can mean different things to different people. This could be offering shelter or offering meals or volunteering time. I like to spend time with children that may be in need of a little extra attention, big sister, or just someone to help with their homework. I also like provide meals for the hungry. I participate in Girl Scouts and a couple of other groups too. Helping others does something for the soul that money cannot buy. It also brings clarity and appreciation.
27. Practice forgiveness. This is definitely harder than it sounds, but forgiveness is needed. It is so cliche to say that forgiveness is for you, not the other person. But, it is true. Forgiveness allows you to open up that space and channel that energy into something else. In fact, my project Wombology was birthed from this same place. I would by lying if I said that I never acted out or reacted from pain, because I have. But, I have grown. I sought council of a therapist and was blessed to have a great sisterhood circle. The energy that has been freed up has been redirected into doing things that make me happy as well as helping others. I am so much more fulfilled in life now.
28. Remove negative people from your life. Some people like to walk around talking about how they have “haters” and how these “haters” motivate them. This is one of the biggest misnomers. Hate does not fuel success nor happiness. Coming from a heart centered place does. You are the sum of the people who are around you. If negative people are in your circle, chances are that you are also exhibiting some of those negative behaviors that you see in them. Surround yourself with people who seek happiness and have healthy goals that they are determined to accomplish. These are the kinds of people who will truly motivate you.
29. Embrace change. Changes come no matter what. There is nothing that any of us can do about it. But, we can lessen unexpected blows by allowing ourselves to move with the currents of change and learning to improvise. This also allows us to grow into ourselves and become the persons that we are meant to be.
30. Enjoy the little things. For most people, an emphasis of importance is placed on larger, more material things. But this causes a sense of resentment when those things cannot be attained. Jealousy strikes when others have those material things and you do not cause a rift in your interaction with those persons. When you embrace and enjoy the little feats and simplicity of life, the larger things add to your happiness rather than having your happiness revolve around them. You take ownership of your happiness and allow it to flow internally rather than allowing objects to give it to you. This could be as simple as appreciating the beautiful sunshine or the emblazoned night sky.
31. Own your truth. Some people, for whatever reason, try to ignore things that bother them or hide their past. Fear keeps them from wanting others to know and it also at the root of being scared of what others may think. When you live like this, you live your life walking on the eggshells of other people’s shadows. All the while, your unhappiness, and frustration builds as you are not able to be yourself and walk in your own truth. Owning and embracing your truth and who you are at the core will enable to you not only be at peace and be grateful but also enable abundance to flow into your life.
After looking over my list and reflecting over the past year, I have accomplished so much and have grown quite a bit not only as a woman and mother but as a human being. I have had great success in my personal and business life, have traveled thousands of miles with my little ones, and I have successfully homeschooled then while on the go. I have also been able to work in an environment that I enjoy and build businesses that I love. I have realized that happiness is not an emotion but a state of being that you constantly work on. At this point in my life, I am truly happy.
How has your life changed in this past year? Let us know and reply in the comments.
With Love and Light,
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